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Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Three Mile Island Guard Suspended for Inattentiveness|abc27 News [Environment]
D'oh! Was his name Home J Simpson?
~P
Three Mile Island Guard Suspended for Inattentiveness|abc27 News
Three Mile Island Guard Suspended for Inattentiveness
posted 5:08 pm Wed April 30, 2008 - Londonderry Township, Pa.
reporter: Al Gnoza posted by: Seth Chevalier
A Three Mile Island nuclear plant security guard has been suspended for being inattentive on the job.
Plant spokesman Ralph DeSantis won't elaborate on what led to the guard's suspension on Tuesday and won't identify the man.
DeSantis says a plant supervisor discovered the guard wasn't paying attention in the afternoon.
DeSantis says no security breach or safety problem occurred as a result of the incident. He says the suspension will remain in effect pending an investigation.
Federal rules require critical nuclear plant employees to be attentive at all times.
(Copyright 2008 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Dean: One Candidate Must Quit | The Onion [Funny]
Dean: One Candidate Must Quit | The Onion - America's Finest News Source
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Dean: One Candidate Must Quit
Democratic Party chairman Howard Dean said that, in order to maintain party unity, either Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama would have to drop out of the presidential primary race. What do you think?
Alice Peralta,
Systems Analyst
"Shouldn't be a problem. The Clintons have always bowed out gracefully."
Roy Messner,
Construction Worker
"Nah, I bet they could also maintain unity if one of them died in a plane crash."
Kenny Stoyanoff,
Church Organist
"I agree. Americans participating in the democratic process by getting to vote has become a needless waste of time."
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
How to Quiet Irritating Passengers..LOL
OMG I think I pissed myself! LOL
~P
If you are sitting next to someone who irritates you on a plane or train follow these instructions:
1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.
2. Remove your laptop .
3. Start up
4. Make sure the guy who is annoying you, can see the screen.
5. Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky.
6. Then hit this link
Friday, March 21, 2008
Fleeing shoplifter forgets son | Oddly Enough | Reuters [Funny | Weird]
Are you kidding me?! ~P~
Fleeing shoplifter forgets son | Oddly Enough | Reuters
Fleeing shoplifter forgets son
Thu Mar 20, 2008 1:43pm EDT
AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - A shoplifter looking to make a quick getaway from a Dutch supermarket after stealing a packet of meat left police a crucial piece of evidence -- his 12-year-old son.
In his haste the 45-year-old thief made a solo dash to his car, batting away a supermarket worker who had flung himself on the vehicles' bonnet in a bid to stop the escape.
Police in the southern Dutch town of Kerkrade said they managed to contact the thief via the boy, but he had refused to return and collect his son. The man told officers to get hold of the youngster's mother instead.
The thief later turned himself in Thursday, a police spokeswoman said.
(Reporting by Alexandra Hudson; Editing by Matthew Jones)
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Man auctions his life | Oddly Enough | Reuters [Funny][Interesting][Weird]
[Way odd...~P~]
Man auctions his life | Oddly Enough | Reuters
Man auctions his life
Thu Mar 20, 2008 9:23am EDT
SYDNEY (Reuters) - A man in Australia is auctioning his life -- his house, his job, his clothes and his friends -- on eBay, after his marriage broke up, saying he wants to start a new life.
"It's time to move. A completely fresh start. I want to see where life takes me," Ian Usher, 44, told Australian television on Tuesday from Perth in Western Australia state.
Usher said he was auctioning his life as "a package" with his house in Perth valued at around A$420,000 (US$385,000).
"Hi there, my name is Ian Usher, and I have had enough of my life! I don't want it any more! You can have it if you like!," reads his Web site www.alife4sale.com, which has a link to eBay for bidders.
Usher said his life auction, which starts on June 22, included not only his house, a car, a motorbike, a jet ski and a spa, but also an introduction to "great friends" and a job at a rug shop in Perth for a trial two-week period.
"When it's over, I will just walk out the front door, take my wallet, my passport and start a new life," he said.
Usher said his ex-wife had heard of his auction.
"Her last comment was, 'it seems a bit mental to me'," he said.
(Reporting by Michael Perry; Editing by Jeremy Laurence)
© Reuters 2008 All rights reserved
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Stephen Colbert Pokes Fun at Drug Policy Reform-D'Alliance
D'Alliance
| Friday, March 14, 2008Stephen Colbert Pokes Fun at Drug Policy Reform Earlier this week, DPA's executive director, Ethan Nadelmann, was featured on The Colbert Report in a segment called Better Know a Lobby. My favorite quote from Colbert : "On the day you think you might win your little battle of freeing all these criminals from jail, please just give me a two week warning so I can build a panic room in my house for when your drug-addled zombies take to the streets ruling the night and feasting on human flesh." One, I love any reference to Night of the Living Dead and the countless movies about the undead it spawned, and two, isn't this exactly the kind of Mukasey-type fear mongering legislators like to use to stir up opposition to sentencing reform efforts, like eradicating the crack/powder disparity.Leave it to Colbert to zero in on just what's ridiculous about our public policy. Posted by Jeanette Irwin @ 2:02 PM   |
Black Guy Asks Nation For Change | The Onion - America's Finest News Source
You gotta love The Onion...again..
Black Guy Asks Nation For Change | The Onion - America's Finest News Source
Black Guy Asks Nation For Change
March 19, 2008 | Issue 44•12
CHICAGO—According to witnesses, a loud black man approached a crowd of some 4,000 strangers in downtown Chicago Tuesday and made repeated demands for change.
"The time for change is now," said the black guy, yelling at everyone within earshot for 20 straight minutes, practically begging America for change. "The need for change is stronger and more urgent than ever before. And only you—the people standing here today, and indeed all the people of this great nation—only you can deliver this change."
Enlarge Image 
The black guy is oddly comfortable demanding change from people he's never even met.
It is estimated that, to date, the black man has asked every single person in the United States for change.
"I've already seen this guy four times today," Chicago-area ad salesman Blake Gordon said. "Every time, it's the same exact spiel. 'I need change.' 'I want change.' Why's he so eager for all this change? What's he going to do with it, anyway?"
After his initial requests for change, the black man rambled nonstop on a variety of unrelated topics, calling for affordable health care, demanding that the government immediately begin withdrawing troops from Iraq, and proposing a $75 billion economic stimulus plan to create new jobs.
"What a wacko," Schaumburg, IL resident Patrick Morledge said. "And, of course, after telling us all about how he had the ability to magically fix everything, he went right back to asking for change. Typical."
"If he's really looking for change, he's got the wrong guy," Morledge added.
Reports indicate that the black man has been riding from city to city across the country, asking for change wherever he goes. Citizens in Austin, TX said they spotted the same guy standing on the street Friday, shouting far-fetched ideas about global warming. Cleveland residents also reported seeing him in a local park, wildly gesticulating and quoting from the Bible. And last week, patrons at the Starlight Diner in Cheyenne, WY claimed that the black man accosted them while they were eating, repeatedly requesting change.
"I saw him walk in and I knew he was headed straight for our table," said mother of three Gladys Davies. "He just stood there smiling at us for a while, and asked how our food tasted. Then he went and did the same thing at the next table over. The nerve of some people."
Those who encountered the black man Tuesday said he engaged in erratic behavior, including pointing at random people in the crowd and desperately saying he needs their help, going up to complete strangers and hugging them, and angrily claiming that he is not looking for just a little bit of change, but rather a great deal of change, and that he wants it "right now."
"I'll be honest, when that black guy said he would 'stop at nothing' to get change, it kind of scared me," local mechanic Phil Nighbert said. "Just leave me alone."
Though many were taken aback by the black man's brazen demands, some, such as Jackson, MS's Holly Moser, sympathized with him. She gave the black man credit for boldly standing up and asking every last person around him for change.
"I told him I'd give him some if I saw him later, even though I probably won't," Moser said. "Very nice man, though."
Most, however, ignored his requests.
"I'm a hardworking American who pays his taxes, and the last thing I need is some guy on the street demanding change from me," said William Overkamp, a Springfield, IL gun-shop owner.
He added, "What he really needs is a job."
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